By 10.15am...

I'd made an apple crumble, 2 pans of leek and potato soup, and mixed the dry ingredients for scones ready for mixing with the wet and baking when the oven was on for the crumble.

No photos of the crumble as I forgot!

This afternoon I put the breadmaker on the dough setting...I always shape loaves and rolls by hand and bake in the oven.

Soup and a roll for dinner, followed by crumble and custard.

We've had a really simple but lovely day. We peeled and chopped the veg together, then I made the things mentioned above. 

J pottered in the garden while I did some admin over the phone, then we walked into town to pick up a few grocery bits we needed, called in at our new favourite place for a coffee on the way back, then came home, sorted the breadmaker and watched Countdown. I was on fire today with both numbers and letters. That's not always the case!

J went for a run and I phoned mother to let her know the little one brought home their first reading book with words in it ( they've brought picture books until now, an experience they have found boring). They read it perfectly to daddy.

A lovely day, whilst also thinking of my first baby, who was due on this day in 1987 but didn't make it into this world. 

Never forgotten xx

Autumn splendour

Currently enjoying time in Wales with our little one.

We've been out and about, enjoying the weather, the ever changing beach, the glorious colours at Bodnant Gardens and this evening's stunning sunset.

The little one loved their first visit to Bodnant, following the pumpkin signs to discover the Welsh monsters and mythical creatures, and enjoying the associated games and activities. 

I did 10k+ steps, so their little legs must have done so many more, and all without a single word of complaint. We did a similar amount walking and playing on the beach yesterday afternoon.

They are sleeping well, which is just as well because we have another big day out planned for tomorrow.

Looking after a lively 4 year old is a doddle after a couple of particularly full on mother shaped days on Monday and Tuesday.

Hope everyone is well.

Several months later

It's almost 5 months since the 3rd and final surgery on my mouth, so how are things now?

I have been left with 2 skin flaps that look like polyps between my cheek and gums as a result of 2 failed buccal flap repairs. 

They are often sore as there is now very little space there due to my cheek having been pulled inwards for the repairs.

My speech has been affected due to my cheek having been pulled inwards. It is more difficult to pronounce things/ form some sounds. I now sound like I have a speech impediment, particularly when I am tired.

The skin that has grown to replace that which was taken from the entire right hand side of the roof of my mouth feels strange... numb but painful in turn, and very dry, which also affects my speech and means my tongue gets stuck there.

I still can't lift the right side of my face to smile properly.

My mouth is lopsided and my lips are very noticeably uneven... much bigger on the right hand side than the left. I am considering seeing an aesthetician to have a small amount of lip filler to rectify things (I have done my research; she is local and award winning).

My upper lip on the right hand side looks permanently bruised. I can't apply lipstick to cover this as it draws even more attention to my lopsided, uneven mouth.

I still have altered sensation under my eye and across my cheekbone ( numbness and intermittent nerve pain).

The right hand side of my nose is painful to the touch, particularly the lower half. The pain seems to be connected to the altered sensation in my cheek. It is eyewatering to cleanse my face and wipe my nose.

The CFS has been so much worse due to having 3 general anaesthetics in 6 weeks. I'm now able to do far less than I was, both mentally and physically, without being badly affected.

It's preferable to having a face full of infection that I could smell and taste, that was so painful I couldn't think straight, but not the outcome I expected.

In other news, the organisation of my daughter's testing has been an absolute farce, but she has her heart scan this week. 

My heart condition has reared its head due to the stress of that, and some other life 'stuff', just to add to the CFS.

Onwards, because what else can we do?

Downhill

 

We had a lovely day at Erddig on Monday. It's a beautiful property with an interesting history, and lots of ' below stairs' rooms to look at aswell as those 'upstairs'. Not many photos taken as I was so busy looking at things and listening to the room guides. The place is crammed with original objects and furniture as the family were hoarders.

The weather was glorious, and the scones were fresh and still slightly warm.

We got back to the news that our GP had sent my younger daughter to A and E for an ecg and a raft of blood tests. She's to have 24 hour ecg monitoring and a heart scan, and has been instructed to rest.

We have a family history of heart problems. 

She's 31.

Spoons...

The CFS has knocked me off my feet yet again this week. 

I spent almost all day on Monday sleeping, then slept all night. I felt drugged, and unable to pull myself out of it. Just awful. I felt a little better on Tuesday but it happened again on Wednesday. I perked up enough to go to Penrhyn Castle on Thursday, and then suffered again yesterday.

Built on the backs of slaves on Jamaican sugar plantations, and maintained on the backs of Welsh quarry workers. I've always struggled with the history when visiting these properties.

Views across to Llandudno

I'm always more interested in the craftsmanship than I am in the families who lived in these places. 

Lunch with a view from the picnic tables

It will be 11 years next month since it all started with the CFS. I was 50 at the time, having been diagnosed with a heart condition at 43 that meant I couldn't teach, despite being in the final year of my teaching degree and having been earmarked for a job by the head at my final placement school. My high blood pressure was diagnosed at the age of 39.

The operations of this year have made things worse, and more frequent, and I am having to be more careful with my spoons than ever. 

The upside is that I rarely try to push through, and definitely not to keep anyone else happy or do things for them to my detriment. 

I'm at my limit of what I'm able to do for my mother... currently it's all admin/ bill paying/ meter reading, prescription ordering and collecting, all medical appointments ( booking, rearranging, driving to, accompanying during, advocating for during, explaining outcomes... my phone number is the one on her records so everything comes to me), all shopping, all ordering of anything online, posting anything necessary, taking stuff to charity shops, some DIY ( vinyl wrapping worktops was the most recent), and phoning every other day as she has nobody else to talk to, having alienated everyone.

I can't do anything more than that. If she ever needs a gardener, cleaner or personal care she's going to have to pay for professional services.

My health is more important than what she wants. She's adamant she won't have anyone in the house to help/ won't go into a home, sonething she stated in no uncertain terms to the GP when I took her recently. I'm adamant I can't do any more.

I don't have the spoons and can't/ won't ever forget her cruelty over the years.

Two finishes

I've finished two baby blankets recently. As the large one has pink in it, and our niece is expecting a baby boy, I'll donate that one to the neo natal charity at the maternity hospital.

I've just cast on one for our niece that I'm going to use beige, cream and sage green for, the majority of which was originally bought by my late mother in law.

I bought a pack of 5 babygros yesterday in colours that will match the palette I'm knitting in. I'll add those to the gift.

A bit less blah

Snapped on the day we looked round in June 2024. It still looked the same last week, except for a few things on the shelves.

 

A bit of a change. It's so much brighter and far less blah.

£3 St Kentigern charity shop Denbigh

£1.50 NCAR charity shop Denbigh

50p St Kentigern charity shop Denbigh

The en suite has come together very quickly. We found an end of batch roll of wallpaper in B &Q, reduced from £22 to £15. I've discovered that wallpaper in there is expensive and the quality doesn't match the price!  I usually buy online, finding paper I like and shopping round for the best price. With paste already mixed from doing the bathroom, and us having to go home soon (3 appointments this week) we needed to find some paper quickly.

The other bits have been charity shopped, or existing stuff used. 

I just painted the top of the tulip thing and now it holds loo rolls.

 The frame was covered in poorly applied treacly varnish which I sanded off then paint was applied. I put a greetings card in the frame.

 The patterned, small, 2 drawer unit was painted in the same dark green paint left over from painting the bathroom in Lancashire.

I moved the yellow pot from a bedroom and popped a spider plant in it. I got the original spider plant from a colleague when I worked at the ante natal clinic. She'd grown them on from plantlets off her large plant and potted one up for each of us. I left there in 1995, and I think this is a 3rd generation from the plant I received.

The square picture is an original painting bought for 50p in St Anne's years ago.

The next time I'm in Denbigh I'll pick up some frosting spray and try to disguise the edges of the mirror, and I need to bring some filler from home for the holes in the 'wood' surround.

I added green stick on tiles (£3.99 Home Bargains) behind the sink.

Total cost £23.99...

I haven't included the cost of things I've owned for years and just moved from other rooms

In other news, I discovered a leak under the sink on Saturday afternoon. Thank goodness it happened while we were here. It turned out that one of the copper pipes that went up into the tap had sheared through completely inside the tap! 

We had to buy a new tap as it was impossible to remove the broken part from inside it, and J fitted it. 

So much for our planned quiet afternoon! 

Life has been lifing

Life has continued in its usual way... good in Wales, busy and often fraught in Lancashire. There is so much I could write about that!

We took our grandchild to the caravan with us for a few days which was wonderful. The weather was lovely so we spent 3 afternoons on the almost deserted beach.

We had a blissful 3 days with them, then they came back to Wales with their mummy and daddy a week later for the bank holiday weekend.

They've now started school. They're exhausted but happy; being happy is the important thing.

My elder daughter's artwork appeared at one of the shows at the Edinburgh Festival. It has also appeared on television in the past, and I think pieces are still being used in that TV programme which is currently airing a new series. We've always been in awe of her artistic talents... they were evident from a very young age.

My younger daughter has not been made redundant, nor did she have to apply for her own job. We are very relieved for her.

I've now completed 2 blankets and a cardigan for our niece's baby. She has her 20 week scan soon and I think she and her husband are going to find out whether it's a boy or girl so I'll be able to decide better about colours and styles.

I found a replacement breadmaker in a charity shop, reduced from £10 to £5. It replaces one bought at the carboot for £2 over 11 years ago, which replaced the one I bought with staff discount the day I left my job in 2000. I've only used the dough programme on the new one so far as I prefer to handshape my loaves and bake them in the oven if I have time. Both loaves and rolls have been successful.

Yesterday, J hung wallpaper that was left over from the bathroom in Lancashire in the caravan bathroom. We swapped the toilet seat a few weeks ago after finallyfinding a green one. I bought the original 1910 watercolour with £10 petrol money I was given by someone a couple of months ago.  The plantstand was a bargain buy from TK Maxx years ago and had been relegated to the garage when the family moved in with us. It's marble topped so was dangerous for an 18 month old. The metalwork was gold so I used silver Rub'n'Buff on it. The room now feels much less blah than it did. Next to tackle is the ensuite. That room really is blah and I still haven't managed to make it less so. I'm waiting for inspiration to strike.

I bought 2 more original paintings for £5 each. I can't find anything about the artist for the top one, but the one in the blue frame is by Michael Hipkins and is worth £200+. Neither has been hung yet.

The CFS is currently giving me a kicking so there's nothing new there. It's probably a response to recently being in Lancashire for a week, so even if I perk up I'll doubtless be back to square one later this month. 

It's almost 11 years since the CFS began, and it still  has the capacity to astound me with its awfulness. Nothing can be done though, so we just carry on as best we can... it affects J's life too and even though I shouldn't, I do carry guilt for that.

I can't deny it's bloody hard sometimes...

Grass growing, paint drying

 

I'm sure you're sick of reading about me doing things for my mother.

 Yesterday's appointment almost finished me off. 

It was so bad that I went to bed at 4.30pm and stayed there.

 Have you ever sat in your car and screamed?

 I have. 

More than once.

My life is currently being here in Lancashire doing things for others for a week, followed by time at the caravan to recover physically and mentally.

It doesn't make for an interesting blog; so I'm going to disappear for a bit.

I'll be back if something of interest happens. Who knows how long it will take? 

Maybe never!

Take care all

Xx

One down

The first of this week's appointments was short, but mum also wanted shopping despite spending over £200 at Asda last week. Over an hour of shopping in Sainsbury's and another £150+ spent, ' Just in case you go away for a long time again'... the longest that I've been away is just over 2 weeks.

I have no idea why one almost 88 year old woman needs so much grocery shopping!

The vinyl wrap for her worktops arrived while I was away. I took it round and she approved it, so I did one side of the kitchen this afternoon. 

This week has/will run as:

Monday: appointment for mum, then shopping at Sainsbury's with her, shopping at Lidl with J in the afternoon 

Tuesday: town with J, called into garage to make appointment, I went to mum's to vinyl wrap part of her worktops.  Discussed POA for health and welfare with her. Found previously used solicitor's details ( she's moved practice), arranged to email her on mum's behalf. I know it can be done online yourself but as mum has alienated everyone she doesn't have anyone to use as witnesses, so a solicitor it is. J went to the allotment.

Wednesday: appointment with mum, and she told me this afternoon that she needs more shopping as she forgot some things yesterday!

Thursday: car to the garage for 2 new tyres, finish vinyl wrapping mum's worktops ( the side with the sink so it won't be quick or easy)

Friday: appointment with mum in the morning. Nothing planned for the afternoon, though I'll need to pack.

Our little one was fast asleep in bed when we arrived home on Sunday, so their face lit up when I went to greet them at their bedroom door yesterday morning. They jumped into my arms, squeezed me tight, put their head on my shoulder and whispered, 'Grandma'. 

I never had any yearnings for grandchildren, and always told my sister in law, who has 5,  that if they came along I would love them, but if we never had any, then I'd be OK because I'd never know what I was missing.

It was true, but our little one is my pride and joy, and has enhanced my life so very much. I am blessed to have them in my life, to have seen them enter the world, to have looked after them, and to have shared my home with them for the last 2.5 years.

It wouldn't be for everyone, but it has worked for us.

They're the best part about being back in Lancashire.

Well, I sea

A quick detour to St Dyfnog's Well yesterday after brunch in Denbigh and a browse in the antique shop

My usual Saturday morning beach walk today

Home tomorrow via Greater Manchester for a visit with family.

Three appointments with my mother next week... she's already complaining about it.

Can't wait for a big cuddle with our little one. Just a few short weeks until they start school!