Breathing

Watching... The Light in the Hall ( a rewatch) and The Light in the Hall: Still Waters. Finished both now so we need to find something else.

Cooking.... on Saturday afternoon I made a chickpea curry in the slo cooker , roasted carrots, peppers and all of the home grown shallots, and baked some fruit scones

Eating... at least 2 recognisable meals each day. The roasted veg has featured a lot. We had the curry on Sunday ( always better the day after I make it), again yesterday, and I've frozen the rest. We had an ice cream from the van on the prom yesterday afternoon. It was the first this year and I dont think I'll bother again. I chose the smallest available but it was far too much for me... I got sick of eating it.

Sleeping... not very well at night, so I'm exhausted by the afternoon. I had a short nap during the F1 on Sunday and fell asleep late yesterday afternoon too as I was so tired I couldn't keep my eyes open. When I'm tired I have to close one eye or I can't focus my vision; everything is blurred. Therein lies disaster as I always fall asleep!

Recording... all my meals on My Fitness Pal

Knitting... another blanket for our niece's baby as I finished the first one just after we arrived.

Walking... a walk on Saturday, and one yesterday afternoon along the prom and into town to get a few bits from Tesco. I'll probably get the walking pad out this afternoon.

Fasting... I recently started fasting again having not done it properly for months due to having the 3 surgeries. I've built back up to 18 hours so far and feel better for it as it curtails the bingeing that is all too easy for me to slip into. 18 hours is easy for me as I do 6pm to 12 noon.

Trying... not to fall into 'competitive dieting' mode with myself as that's a dangerous path.

Winning... that battle so far. Slow and steady and I've given myself until Christmas to be where I want to be, which is a sensible place not a super skinny one.

And breathe

Really windy at the beach yesterday. I don't know how the runners managed Parkrun along the prom

We were in Lancashire last week...

Monday...  looked after  little one with J for 3 hours, then took mum to the opticians, then took her shopping ( she spent £200+ so there was a lot and it took ages), took her home and had a coffee with her, paid her tv licence online, went home and looked after the little one with J for another 3.5 hours

Tuesday... went into town with J and little one, went to the bank and Boots, took little one for breakfast, went to the market,  went home, looked after them for another 5 hours

Wednesday... looked after little one with J for 9 hours, went to the allotment for 2 hours in the evening. I strimmed all grass, weeded, pulled all onions and some rhubarb,  J dug up potatoes and weeded

Thursday... looked after little one for an hour until J got up, went into town on my own to return a dress, went to Primark, J looked after little one, I swapped dress for t-shirts and trousers, went to M and S for strawberries and tomatoes ( used a voucher so just 30p to pay) drove to Argos in Sainsbury's to collect my new phone charger, went home, collected the little one, took them to visit my mum. Ordered her prescription. J moved her small fridge out to the garage, I cleaned the top of the fridge freezer, J moved microwave up there. I measured her worktops, showed her vinyl wrap choices and ordered what she wanted. Went home, looked after the little one for another 3 hours, packed, filled the car with petrol, travelled to Wales, dropped the bags, went shopping, put the shopping away, and unpacked.

And breathe for a few days. 

I'm physically and mentally exhausted. I feel absolutely drained and struggled to lift my arms to get my washing in and fold it before we left on Thursday. That's when I know it's bad. Despite that, I'm only managing to sleep for a couple of hours at a time with wakeful periods in-between.

We have to return to Lancashire on Friday for the retirement party, and stay to take my mum to 3 medical appointments the following week, so I'll doubtless be exhausted again afterwards, but for now I will rest.

Back

Lunch on Thursday... Granny Smith apple,  tangerine, strawberries, red grapes

Cloudy but warm on Saturday morning 

A rogue sunflower in the garden

We're back 'home' this week to look after the little one as their childminder is on 2 weeks' annual leave. Mummy is off next week.

J will be in charge tomorrow as I'm taking my mum to Specsavers for an eye test, then shopping.

In the first week of August she has her 12 weekly injection into her eye for macular degeneration, and a couple of days later a hospital appointment at neuro-opthalmology regarding her ocular myasthenia gravis.

We also have a retirement party at the end of this month which I'd prefer not to attend as a lot of J's former colleagues will be there and I hate how I look more than ever at the moment. I feel like an embarrassment. 

Inbetween all that we should get back to the caravan. The last 2 weeks have been lovely and it has felt much more like being at home than being on holiday, which is what I was hoping for. We've done very little, spending the majority of the time pottering about, and relaxing in the garden, not feeling the need to be out and about.

Our little one announced when we got home this evening that, ' I'm dark, daddy is dark and so is papa ( J)! The little one is mixed race, daddy is of African descent, and papa is just very tanned! Apparently ' mummy is light and so is grandma.'  I love their innocence and wish it could always be this way, but am acutely aware that at some point they will directly encounter those for whom their dark skin is a problem.

Only minor problems with my mum while we were away, though her being uncontactable for 18 hours was a bit of a pain. My daughter had to take an extended lunch break and get a taxi to my mum's house to check on her. She was perfectly well and had just forgotten to charge her phone for the second time in a week ( we'd had to drive round there exactly 7 days earlier for the same reasons). She'd thought about doing it then become engrossed in the tennis! She now has a sign up to remind her , a suggestion of mine put to her by my daughter, and that she actually agreed with.

When I rang her on Thursday evening she announced she was going to go to the local supermarket on Friday morning. She hasn't left the house unaccompanied for at least 18 months. She has a visual impairment.  She lives on a busy road that she would need to cross. The last time I took her to the supermarket we had to leave quickly as she felt disorientated.

I couldn't be bothered to argue with her. I just told her I thought it was a bad idea, but I couldn't stop her as she's an adult and I was in Wales. In her words, ' I'm going to have to do it, aren't I? '

Obviously, as I'd had the temerity to go away for 2 weeks for the first time since 2005. 

I resisted the urge to binge then, but have succumbed since.

She rang on Friday morning to say she wasn't going shopping and realised that she wasn't capable. My daughter did her shopping for her on Saturday morning, as had been arranged the previous week.

Tomorrow she wants to do a huge stock up shop. Wish me luck!

Food

Strawberries and Greek yoghurt for breakfast. I topped it with some failed, cranberry and pecan flapjack that I made on Monday. I didn't have any finer oats so just used the chunky ones... big mistake as it mostly crumbled. It still tastes good though!

Quorn 'chicken', pea and red pepper risotto. I didnt have any parmesan so grated some extra mature cheddar on a fine grater.

Toasted ham and cheese sandwich with salad

Red pesto and bacon pasta, sprinkled with parmesan. Used up the leftover salad.

Haddock fish fingers with salad... always haddock for us as we find cod to be tasteless 

Just a few of the things I've eaten since we got here. Salad has featured a lot, and Ive tried to have proper meals, but it hasn't always happened. 

I had bran flakes with raisins and almond milk for my main meal yesterday as J was at football and I was too tired to bother with anything else. It might seem like a rubbish meal, but the bran flakes are fortified with vitamins and iron, the almond milk contains vitamins and calcium, and the raisins contain iron and potassium.

It was my breakfast of choice when I was pregnant with KL.  I had my iron levels checked when I was 16 weeks, and they were 12 point something so I didnt need iron tablets. They were rechecked at 32 weeks and had increased to 14 point something, which was a rarity for a patient not taking iron tablets. My midwife ( a friend, as I worked in the ante natal clinic at the time) asked what I'd been eating and when I mentioned the bran flakes and raisins she said that's what had done it!

Saturday

Morning...

Knitting in the morning sun, listening to the waves

 

Evening...

We had a walk, then sat and people watched. The sun was still glorious

It was a really pleasant, chilled day, and last night we watched England win.

On to the semi final, and another sunny week is predicted here!

Scorched earth

 

The grass was dry and brown on the verges when we drove in last Friday. After another week without rain they look bleached!

It was hot at 8.30am as I left the caravan to walk to town again today.

I returned the clothes I bought yesterday from Tesco. The quality was good but they weren't 'me'. 

I looked in Next but didn't like anything. 

I thought I'd buy some basic t- shirts in Marks and Spencer, went to try one on and it was so ill fitting. The cut was terrible. I'd purposely sized up from the more expensive M and S tshirt I was wearing, but the one I tried was too small on the shoulders and the sleeve was cut across the widest part of my arms.

I looked in the mirror and hated myself.

I went to look in the charity shop over the road. A basic M and S t-shirt in there was £5.99, which is 49p more expensive than the brand new one I'd just tried on!

I gave up and came home, forgetting to buy the matchpot!

Out early

I walked into town this morning and was there by about 8.45am. I left a note on the dining table for J, but there was no need as he was still asleep when I got back just before 10am!

It was nice to be out on my own, for only the second time in 3 months, and the first time out under my own steam in all that time.

Every other time I've left the house in the last 3 months I've been accompanied by J. Last Saturday I had time on my own in town while he did Parkrun then walked up to the seafront to meet him but we drove there initially.

I could have driven this morning, but I am desperately unfit after 3 months of operations/ recovery and need to exercise. 

During the 6 weeks of the operations I was only doing a couple of hundred steps some days. My weight has been all over the place... dropping by around 10 pounds immediately after each operation, but going back on equally rapidly once I could eat more but could do no exercise to burn anything off.

At the moment I feel very chunky, which isn't helped by the heat and being unfit. 

I'll probably go out for a walk to town again in the morning as I need another matchpot. 

The mirror above the fire is on its 3rd incarnation and still isn't right. Honestly, it's driving me mad so I'm hoping the latest idea works.

I think I'm losing my touch!

Off the hook

My elder daughter made this hanging rack for J many years ago when he was completing a lot of 10k events. It was a nod to his love of running and Bruce Springsteen. 

It's held his medals all that time.

He's packed his medals away and suggested using the rack here to hang bags and lightweight coats on. 

It was red, but I used the leftovers from a matchpot to paint it and he hung it today.

We've had a lazy day today.

I've baked scones in the airfryer for the first time, done a bit of cleaning ( it doesn't take long in a caravan!), knitted, caught up on podcasts and read in the sunshine in the garden.

It's hard to get J to slow down, but I managed it today. He has been out to play football this evening though!

Early

 

My alarm was set for 1am. The match was delayed by adverse weather so I reset it for 2am and dozed back off.

This was the sky at 4.23am.

The match had all the drama, and I was on the edge of my seat, trying desperately not to bite my nails during the 11 minutes (actually 12 because the ref added an extra one) of added time.

It's 5am and I'm back in bed.

The gulls are squawking and wheeling.

I think I'm awake for the day.

Updated.. 

I didn't stay in bed long and didn't go back to sleep. I got up for coffee and it was so warm I opened the patio door and knitted then watched The Rest is Football at 6am and the replay of the match after that.

I've been into town this morning as we both needed coffee from the supermarket, I've done a bit of painting, and managed a 10 minute cat nap. I thought I'd slept for ages but my coffee was still piping hot when I woke up!

J's out running, I've just made a salad to go with tea and I'm watching Wimbledon.

I hope I sleep well tonight.

Back

 Friday 3rd July

The car came back this morning. They've done a brilliant job of it, even doing a few things that I wouldn't have thought necessary, like replacing the 'Hyundai' lettering and logo. I just wish it hadn't taken so long.

We took the hire car back a couple of hours later, once we'd finished looking after the little one for the day... mummy finishes at 11.30 on Fridays. 

We walked back home afterwards as I feel much better today. I tried to go for a walk with my husband yesterday lunchtime,  but only got 30 metres and had to go home. I went straight upstairs to bed, slept for a while and stayed there for the rest of the day. This morning the roof of my mouth is sore. I think both things are down to the ME/CFS but having the sore mouth on top of the odd sensations/ numbness from having the skin stripped away, twisted and used to cover the hole between my mouth and sinus cavity is a literal pain.

We passed the Salvation Army charity shop en route and they had a half price sale on. I found a Seasalt shirt and paid £1.50 for it.

Lare afternoon sunshine, and silence

All my houseplants apart from my peace lilies looked none the worse for having no attention for almost a month, part of which was a heatwave. The Christmas cacti in the kitchen and the devil's ivy that I'd left in the shower cubicle have put on a decent amount of growth

I've just hand washed the shirt and spun it in the charity shopped salad spinner I bought for that purpose because we are back at the caravan. I will eventually invest in a spin dryer to use so that I can wash larger items here rather than using the launderette or taking them home.

All the garden plants except for a pot of primulas have survived. The new ones in our new wooden planters were watered by our friend B, and the rest have done their best with searing temperatures, wind and scattered showers. I did a lot of deadheading and watering as soon as I arrived. The grass here is scorched yellow/brown.

The beach is as wild, wonderful and ever changing as always. The sand was blowing along it this morning (Saturday) so fiercely that I couldnt walk there

It's good to be back.

One down

 I had my final appointment with the oral surgery team this afternoon... all 3 of those that have had the most input into my care were in the room so I had the opportunity to thank each of them for their kindness and skill.  

That was important to me as I've never laid blame for the failed operations on them. I've just been very unlucky, and at times frustrated by that, though they would never have known.

I had a small stitch removed today that had worked its way to the surface since the rest were removed 2 weeks ago.

They checked how I am now after the problems each anaesthetic caused and I was happy to report that I'm doing okay. I'm looking forward to getting back to the caravan and walking both outside and on my walking pad. Walking when I'm there is very different to here where there is so much traffic that I'm breathing in noxious fumes everywhere I go.

I've checked with them about the adjacent tooth which has a failed root canal . I was advised about this in November 2024 at the same time as I was advised about the one that has caused all this trouble, but nothing could be done about it until this was finally sorted.

Their advice is to go to a root canal expert, and luckily there is one at the private practice where I had my implant done. They said that I need to wait another 3 months though. It will be more expensive than having it done by my NHS dentist by about 33% but will be worth it to be in the hands of a specialist.

So that's it, one hospital specialism down/ done and dusted. Just dermatology left for me with a potential biopsy, and ENT and orthopaedics for J. He has his first appointment with the latter tomorrow morning, and has a folliw up appointment with the former in about 7 weeks.

I was in and out so quickly today that I didn't even have to pay for parking as the first 30 minutes is free.

Our car is due back with us on Friday morning, and the plan is to have a couple of weeks at the caravan, with possibly a visit to Manchester too.

I'm looking forward to a little bit of normality, though I always miss our little one dreadfully when we're not here.

Productive

Monday 29th June

It needs washing and blocking

It's been a productive day. This morning I returned 2 books to the library, picked up 2 more and used the computer and printing facilities as I don't have either at home.

I'm short of 6 years' contributions in order to receive a full state pension in 2032. I've known for years that I was short, since the goalposts for contributions were moved, but didn't have money spare to buy the years... it would cost approximately £900 for each missing one.

I have been looking after our little one for 3+ years though ( 3 complete tax years +) so today I finally completed the form to receive specified childcare credits. During those years, my daughter has paid sufficient national insurance contributions to count towards a state pension 

(if there is such a thing by the time she is old), so she doesn't need the protection of her child benefit credits.

She's passing them to me, as she is entitled to do, so today I've claimed for 2023/ 2024 and 2024/2025. In November I'll be able to claim for 2025/2026, giving me 3 of the missing 6 years towards my full state pension. I'll continue to do this as I'll be needed to cover some school holidays, until I have sufficient years.

This afternoon I completed my first item towards our niece's baby gift. It's a matinee coat that I knitted for both of my girls, my grandchild, countless friends and colleagues, my former hairdresser, and a local hospital charity. It comes from the pattern book my mother in law gave to me in 1988.