Negatives#12 ... what a day

 I feel knackered and overwhelmed.  

I took my mum to the optician on Friday, chased up another appointment for her by phone once I got home, took her to the GP this morning, and then the hospital this evening for an x ray. Tomorrow I have to take her for urgent blood tests at a different place and on Wednesday I have to collect some things and drop them in at the GP, as well as doing her shopping/ taking her shopping. 

We then have to await an appointment for an urgent ultrasound. If it's anything like the 2 urgent referrals sent in March to Neurology and Rheumatology that we've heard nothing about ( one was given a nudge in June), then it could be a long wait.

I've also done some childcare today and spent 2 hours at the allotment as we came back from the caravan to a warning letter about weeds. It was mainly the fruit cage area which we had left as everything is being moved in Autumn. Not good enough for them as there was a lot of bindweed, docks and nettles. Honestly, I'm surprised it's taken this long for a letter to arrive.

The difference we made in 2 hours is amazing. My husband is also amazing, though I did my best and my shoulder is paying the price. Having the weight of my mum on my arm helping / guiding her as she walks hasn't helped.

Quite how she thought I was going to manage her tomorrow and take my grandchild with me is anyone's guess. She was insistent I should take them. I was insistent I would not. I won. My daughter agreed with me and said, "Absolutely not'.

As well as all the stuff for my mum, I have 2 dental appointments for my implant this month, a family wedding for which I have nothing to wear as I hate myself in everything at the moment, and it's my daughter's 30th birthday. I can't/ don't get excited about birthdays whether they're mine or anyone else's.  I went to choose the flowers to go on my dad's coffin on my 30th. Anything is better than that, even if it's not a huge fuss as far as I'm concerned.

As ever, it's all impacting how and what I eat. I've done a 23 hour, and 2 x 24-hour fasts in the last few days as it's the only way I can feel some semblance of control.  I've been eating in a 1 hour window and then started fasting again. It's better than bingeing, which is my usual reaction to stress around my mum.

Tomorrow will be a 22:2 as I forgot to restart the app when I finished my hot chocolate. It won't be what most people would want to do, it goes against everything the therapist said, but she treated me in the same way as someone very underweight, and as a consequence I'm overweight again. 

If I'm going to have problems with food it's  better to have them and be a normal weight as far as I'm concerned. I can honestly say that I haven't  found it difficult. I'm drinking water, black, unsweetened decaf coffee, and taking electrolytes. I'm hoping it will also help with the ME/CFS as fasting is supposed to reduce inflammation. It's worth a try, and I need to feel in control of something in my life.

Almost there with the 24 hour fast earlier today.

Done, with an extra minute as I was finishing cooking my tea!

Last week. Weeds galore. It's been so hard to find the time with childcare, my mum, being ill myself, the caravan and the weather.

Now the weeds are in huge piles instead of growing, but at least they're not choking the  fruit bushes, which have had a very early prune. They'll live or die, and in 19 years of having an allotment, I know that most things do their utmost to survive. We haven't quite finished the fruit area as there's still the raspberry and rhubarb patch to go, but we are winning.

The orchard part has been strimmed, and the paths cleared. There are still potatoes in the ground, and there's plenty to keep us occupied in the Autumn and Winter months. We have the little shed to repair and erect, all the fruit bushes to move, and the very top of the area we look after as its unlettable also needs attention.

Tomorrow I have a bonus 'day off', so once my mum's blood tests are done I'll have a bit of time to myself. The Last Kingdom is calling.