 |
| Lunch on Thursday... Granny Smith apple, tangerine, strawberries, red grapes |
 |
| Cloudy but warm on Saturday morning |
 |
| A rogue sunflower in the garden |
We're back 'home' this week to look after the little one as their childminder is on 2 weeks' annual leave. Mummy is off next week.
J will be in charge tomorrow as I'm taking my mum to Specsavers for an eye test, then shopping.
In the first week of August she has her 12 weekly injection into her eye for macular degeneration, and a couple of days later a hospital appointment at neuro-opthalmology regarding her ocular myasthenia gravis.
We also have a retirement party at the end of this month which I'd prefer not to attend as a lot of J's former colleagues will be there and I hate how I look more than ever at the moment. I feel like an embarrassment.
Inbetween all that we should get back to the caravan. The last 2 weeks have been lovely and it has felt much more like being at home than being on holiday, which is what I was hoping for. We've done very little, spending the majority of the time pottering about, and relaxing in the garden, not feeling the need to be out and about.
Our little one announced when we got home this evening that, ' I'm dark, daddy is dark and so is papa ( J)! The little one is mixed race, daddy is of African descent, and papa is just very tanned! Apparently ' mummy is light and so is grandma.' I love their innocence and wish it could always be this way, but am acutely aware that at some point they will directly encounter those for whom their dark skin is a problem.
Only minor problems with my mum while we were away, though her being uncontactable for 18 hours was a bit of a pain. My daughter had to take an extended lunch break and get a taxi to my mum's house to check on her. She was perfectly well and had just forgotten to charge her phone for the second time in a week ( we'd had to drive round there exactly 7 days earlier for the same reasons). She'd thought about doing it then become engrossed in the tennis! She now has a sign up to remind her , a suggestion of mine put to her by my daughter, and that she actually agreed with.
When I rang her on Thursday evening she announced she was going to go to the local supermarket on Friday morning. She hasn't left the house unaccompanied for at least 18 months. She has a visual impairment. She lives on a busy road that she would need to cross. The last time I took her to the supermarket we had to leave quickly as she felt disorientated.
I couldn't be bothered to argue with her. I just told her I thought it was a bad idea, but I couldn't stop her as she's an adult and I was in Wales. In her words, ' I'm going to have to do it, aren't I? '
Obviously, as I'd had the temerity to go away for 2 weeks for the first time since 2005.
I resisted the urge to binge then, but have succumbed since.
She rang on Friday morning to say she wasn't going shopping and realised that she wasn't capable. My daughter did her shopping for her on Saturday morning, as had been arranged the previous week.
Tomorrow she wants to do a huge stock up shop. Wish me luck!
Yourea gift to your family. Im sorry you canr be at the caravan even longer,but I hope soon again.
ReplyDeleteThanks S. I pointed out to my mum the other day that Im 61, J is 64 and we're helping out 3 generations. I think it momentarily made her stop and think! Caravan by the end of the week hopefully.
DeleteWith regards to the retirement party, always remember that people are usually too engrossed in themselves to think,about what other people look like.
ReplyDeleteThank you. Unfortunately my eating disorder makes me worry more about what I look like/ weigh than a 'normal' person does. I've had decades of it so it's fairly entrenched behaviour despite the efforts of an ED trained psychologist. The worry and the body checking etc are very wearing.
DeleteI'd agree that most people are usually too engrossed in their own appearance to worry about anyone else, but it has taken me years of yo-yo dieting to take that message on board. But remember that your husband and daughters love you just the way you are.
ReplyDeleteThanks Joan. Sadly my ED brain doesn't work like that and I feel that people are looking and judging all the time, because that's what I do to myself. The psychologist worked hard to disable me of that notion, but it's still there. I hate how I look and how I feel and I hate myself. It's very difficult to feel lovable when my self worth is tied up in weight and shape and I dont like either right now.
Delete