Doing and being

I cant wait to be back at the beach

I've finished painting the living room. One large piece of furniture has gone and the new flooring has been measured for. I just need to arrange donation of my sofa back to the charity shop from whence it came. The banister rail and newel post have also been repainted.

The greenhouse has been dismantled and disposed of. I suppose we could have sold it, but we didn't buy it ( it was here when we moved in 14 years ago) and we didn't want people in the garden for hours dismantling it piece by piece, so the frame was broken up by J and taken by the scrap metal men, and the glass is going to the allotment to be used by anyone who needs it, so it's all being recycled. A lawn will be laid in its place. 

My face was very bad over last weekend, and I was so exhausted on Saturday that I fell asleep 3 times. I've spent quite a lot of time just 'being', and amidst the busyness of this week I've made sure that there has been time for me, watching TV, listening to podcasts and reading. 

My face was also very bad on Thursday to the point I couldn't think straight and I had to lie down for a couple of hours. It has flared up again today and I'm currently counting down the time to the next lot of painkillers. 

This coming Thursday is operation day, and Sunday is caravan opening day, so I hope all goes well and I'm fit enough to get there. We really need to go, if only to get a lot of boxes and black sacks out of our bedroom so that it's a pleasant environment for me to recuperate in if I'm badly affected.

I think I'll be on a liquid/ soft diet for a while, as I was after the initial extraction. I've stocked up on both mushroom and chicken soup from Marks and Spencer ; yes, I could make my own, but I mostly lack the energy or inclination these days. Decisions have to be made about the things I am able to do as I have limited spoons  (The Spoon Theory). This week they were used on painting one wall, painting the banister rail and newel post ( a 15 minute job), doing some cleaning, doing my mum's shopping, and dealing with the collection of the large item of furniture. 

My mum's shopping this week came to over £110. I shop for her every week, though it's not always that expensive. She's always saying she's stocking up so that I only need to do it every fortnight, but every week there's a list. There will be another 'stock up shop' this coming week. I've told her I have no idea when I'll be able to shop after the surgery as I dont know what it will do to me ME/CFS wise; the initial tooth removal 15 months ago made me unwell for weeks and a general anaesthetic could do the same.

Food wise I just need to get some more weetabix and almond milk. I have plenty of oats and soya milk for porridge and some eggs to scramble.  I can't think of anything else that's soft or liquid that I like ( I have problems with food textures in addition to the ED) but any suggestions are welcome, bearing in mind I'll likely have 2 wounds in my mouth, a swollen face, and can't use a straw as it creates pressure. I also can't drink milkshakes or smoothies due to the texture. Whilst writing, I've realised that I might be able to tolerate tuna mayo or some tinned mackerel to get some protein into me as there's minimal chewing involved with those; I have both in the cupboard. I also might manage raspberries and Greek yoghurt.

My husband is handing in his notice next week. I can't wait for him to leave as working at that bloody hospital is now making him unwell. They talk about care and compassion but it's just words; there is absolutely no evidence of it in practice. One person has been hounded out, and they're trying it with J's friend. They're made of stronger stuff and are fighting them all the way. J was looking to leave next year anyway. Fortunately for us, circumstances have allowed him to do it a year earlier. Honestly, the thought of him doing 10 hour shifts, often on his feet all day, until the state retirement age of 67, is horrific. He couldn't have managed another 3 years of it.

They'll be surprised as he's been there over 25 years, but some people there get away with being lazy, with taking extra long breaks, with wriggling out of doing half the things they're supposed to do, just because they don't like those aspects of the job, and others are supposed to pick up the slack and not complain. 

It has taken its toll.

It's time to go.